Is the manager in?
Alex Salmond the Scottish National Party MP for
Banff and Buchan told this story to the 1988 Scottish Prison Officers'
Association Delegates at their Conference in Peterhead.
It concerned, sair Mr Salmond, the Turriff
farmer who went to his far from friendly bank and asked "Kin I see the
To be told by an assistant: "I'm sorry, the
manager died very suddenly - it is a great shock to us all."
"Weill, weill" said the farmer, shook his
head and left. But next day back he came and again asked to see the manager.
The assistant was troubled: "I told you
yesterday that the manager had died suddenly." He repeated " It was a great
shock to us all - we are grief stricken."
"Weill, weill" said the farmer and left as
before. But back he came the next day with the inquiry and the next and of
course always got the same reply from the perplexed assistant.
On the fifth day when he asked yet again to see
the manager the assistant's veneer of patience cracked!
"Look you cretin" he yelled "you dunnerheid.
The manager has passed away, he has departed this earth, he has joined the
great banking hall in the sky. Don't you understand? Are you deaf? THE
MANAGER IS BLOODY DEID!"
"Oh ay, A unnerstaun" said the farmer. "A
heard ye the furst time... A jist like fir ti hear ye say it."