|
“Tired, I’m tired, so
tired.” I was thinking, “Is this the way people cope with their own death
and in fact sometimes have out of body experiences. Was I really already
gone?” It was like an observer was watching the happenings of my own
family. ‘What good would it do to talk about it?” Rodney was already doing
all he could and had taken on the full responsibility of our family. It
was better I keep my thoughts to myself. I was like a sick animal needing
to become very still. Rod had cut the side of Grandmother’s wall beside
the bed completely out and put in a sliding glass door. The sun coming
through it was wonderfully warm and healing. The window looked out onto a
beautiful yard that was an extra lot belonging to the property. Squirrels
played on the low hanging branches, red birds flew for the sunflower seeds
in the feeder and children were always at one time or another playing
there. Even though there had been a moaning like sound all night long
after Rodney cut the wall out that was gone after he replaced it with the
spacious lovely glass doors. Sometimes I imagined I could see my
Grandmother sitting in the overstuffed, large chair covered with pink and
white chintz fabric just as she had done when I was a teenager and she
told me of the story of her youth.
“If I live,” I was
thinking, “I will never care what Rodney does or does not do for the rest
of our lives. I shall love him unconditionally for the care and love he
has given to me and the children.”
He did do everything, the
cooking, the washing, cleaning, and worked part time at jobs that were
menial and rough. He never complained about trimming trees for people
instead of working at his own skill, electronics. With his care and the
advice from a very wise, country like doctor who taught me a whole new way
to live, I began to slowly improve. I owe my life to so many people who
have treated me with so much love. I feel there is no way I can ever repay
them. I murmured this to my baby daughter. “Maybe you can,” my love.
Dr. Gibson was firm and for
him to treat me I had to attend his lectures.
“There will be no more
starvation diets to keep fashionably thin, no grueling exercises to push
yourself over the limit, no making stress a part of your life, and by all
means you will know to live with good common sense.” On this the man was
firm.
Rhonda attended school at
Senior High. Her class was on the third floor and normally Rod took her up
and down the elevator. After I began to improve he went to work full time
which left Rhonda with no help up to the third floor. Following my doctors
advice I didn’t dare take on the chore of running her back and forth. The
school sent out a teacher for Rhonda in our home. It wasn’t giving her the
opportunity to blend in with people and in no way allowed her to make
friends. However, we had family at the time and that was her social
activities. We did make the meetings, hit and miss. My devotion now would
have to take a new turn. |
