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Page 50


“Tired, I’m tired, so tired.” I was thinking, “Is this the way people cope with their own death and in fact sometimes have out of body experiences. Was I really already gone?” It was like an observer was watching the happenings of my own family. ‘What good would it do to talk about it?” Rodney was already doing all he could and had taken on the full responsibility of our family. It was better I keep my thoughts to myself. I was like a sick animal needing to become very still. Rod had cut the side of Grandmother’s wall beside the bed completely out and put in a sliding glass door. The sun coming through it was wonderfully warm and healing. The window looked out onto a beautiful yard that was an extra lot belonging to the property. Squirrels played on the low hanging branches, red birds flew for the sunflower seeds in the feeder and children were always at one time or another playing there. Even though there had been a moaning like sound all night long after Rodney cut the wall out that was gone after he replaced it with the spacious lovely glass doors. Sometimes I imagined I could see my Grandmother sitting in the overstuffed, large chair covered with pink and white chintz fabric just as she had done when I was a teenager and she told me of the story of her youth.

“If I live,” I was thinking, “I will never care what Rodney does or does not do for the rest of our lives. I shall love him unconditionally for the care and love he has given to me and the children.”

He did do everything, the cooking, the washing, cleaning, and worked part time at jobs that were menial and rough. He never complained about trimming trees for people instead of working at his own skill, electronics. With his care and the advice from a very wise, country like doctor who taught me a whole new way to live, I began to slowly improve. I owe my life to so many people who have treated me with so much love. I feel there is no way I can ever repay them. I murmured this to my baby daughter. “Maybe you can,” my love.

Dr. Gibson was firm and for him to treat me I had to attend his lectures.

“There will be no more starvation diets to keep fashionably thin, no grueling exercises to push yourself over the limit, no making stress a part of your life, and by all means you will know to live with good common sense.” On this the man was firm.

Rhonda attended school at Senior High. Her class was on the third floor and normally Rod took her up and down the elevator. After I began to improve he went to work full time which left Rhonda with no help up to the third floor. Following my doctors advice I didn’t dare take on the chore of running her back and forth. The school sent out a teacher for Rhonda in our home. It wasn’t giving her the opportunity to blend in with people and in no way allowed her to make friends. However, we had family at the time and that was her social activities. We did make the meetings, hit and miss. My devotion now would have to take a new turn.


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