Weary long winter days
are slowly moving back from us like the ebb and flow of the ocean. Backward
it seems to be going away from us now. All the beauty of spring with a
promise of new life wants to give us hope and belief in resurrection. Hard,
stale old bulbs we buried last fall are sending up colors so vibrant.
Let last years
disappointments get buried in the same way. However there may not be a
promise of anything so lovely coming from them. Years and years of saving
stories, jotting things down on paper of any kind from brown to lined note
book paper finally culminated in the publishing of some of those stories,
you know. When my first royalty check came it was the most hollow feeling,
I think I've known in a very long time.
“How much is your
check?” My husband asked me.
“You don't want to
know.” I told him but really I didn't want to tell him.
“Would you believe 30
dollars?” I tried to be matter of fact so my disappointment wouldn't be so
Together my husband
and I had weathered so many disappointments it is rather like, “So what else
is new?” He turned his head toward me for a moment and looked directly in
“You are kidding?” He
said and then just as quickly looked away. I knew there would be nothing
more said about it.
“Well, you know, books
have to sell to make a royalty check. I need to get out and do book
signings. The way it is with you having to work just to keep up with
mounting prices on things isn't giving me much time to do that.” I knew I
didn't have to say anything more. He wasn't talking about it. We two
together are like the team that never wins, I was thinking. We played hard,
worked hard, but just never seemed to be able to, quite cross over to that
other side. The side that would have kept us from eternally watching every
little purchase, worrying about how to pay for dental work, house repairs,
car repairs and so on and so forth.
“I did what I had to
do when the publisher offered me six percent. An unpublished author isn't
going to have publishers beating the door down. I'm just fortunate to get a
first book printed.” I was trying to lift my husband's spirits by reasoning
“No one in the family is
speaking to me now. For whatever reason that is, I don't know. I didn't
expect them to carry me on a throne like Cleopatra; but this?”
“Oh they will come
around. I wouldn't worry about it.” As usual my husband's easy going ways
would win out.
Easter came, same as
always, every year. As if to bind up our wounds and disappointments the
back yard filled with people. My daughter's, husband's family came in great
numbers. They went about starting the Bar B Q grill, unloaded their own
groceries, put the meat on the grill and our celebration was starting. The
weather was a bit cool but I didn't care, this was sheer heaven for me. For
years I was always the one having to do so much of that by myself. This new
life and family with their habits of pitching in and doing was better than
anything I had ever experienced before.
When they first came
there was a bit of a morose feeling which told me that family was probably
living the exact trials as we were. Later in the evening when we leaving the
party to come inside everyone called a happy good-bye to us. The children
were running and playing, the adults were laughing and joking with each
other. The heavy quiet mood was gone and I felt good about that.
Someone called out,
“Thank you for letting us come.”
“Thank YOU for coming,”
I called back. “It was wonderful. We must do this again soon. Maybe a
wedding?” I grinned as we walked away.
“Oh groan! A wedding?
Who? Who?” Someone else asked.
“The youngest couple's
faces both lit up when their names were called. It was evident they were
pleased with the suggestion.”