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Andy Barbour got in touch...
My Grandpa Neil from Partick used to say:
The Two Dead Boys.
Early one morning,
In the midle of the Night,
Two dead boys got up tae fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords & shot each other.
A deaf Policeman heard the noise,
& came & arrested the two dead boys.
My Grampa Charlie would ask "have you heard the lost sheep on the mountain?"
Answer: No, how does it go?
GC-BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Steve sent in...
I stumbled upon your
great site whilst on vacation in Sydney. My Canadian girlfriend loves the
following Scots kids poem – I couldn’t find it in the site.
A boney boney sausage, a
boney boney sausage
Ah put it in the oven fur ma tea
I went tae the dairy, tae see ma auntie Mary
And the sausage came efter me
Awra best
Allie Quinn sent in a wee verse she
remembered...
When in this book you look
And on this page you frown
Think of the one who spoiled your book
By writing upside-down.
John Henderson and Brian Kellogg both sent
this in due to a query from one of our visitors about a poem to do with
bowling...
"The Deil's Boolin' Match"
ON
MONTROSE GREEN.
 The
nicht was dismal, dark, and drear,
Nae lichtsome star did e'er appear
To gie the worthy burghers cheer
In Auld Montrose.
The boolin' green, as Egypt's night
Deserted, lay a waesome sicht,
For lang before, ilk joyful wight
Had sought repose.
Methought I waunered doon the brae
Where oft in simmer's golden day
I'd joined the boolers in their play
And merry pranks;
An' made leal freens and cronies dear,
Whose kindly welcome aye gave cheer.
I count them a' as richt guid gear,
An' tend them thanks.
That nicht, howe'er as Rab wad say,
The deil, some evil work wud hae,
Rampagin' roon to find some prey
Tae glut his ire ;
As shrieked the nor' wind ower the toon
A thund'rous crash rang out aboon,
An' to the sward the deil cam doon
In car o' fire.
He made straight for the boolhoose door
Twa red-hot bools dumped on the floor,
" I want a rink!" I heard his roar.
But a' was still.
"This nicht wi' mortals I maun wage
A deadly combat—here's the gage—
My crown and power !" he yelled wi' rage.
" Myroastin' grill!"
He bragged aboot his pooer and might;
Hoo nane could worst him in the fight.
"Twas plain tae see this deevlish wight
Was nae sma' drink.
" Come ! whowill play?" I heard the yell
As twelve boomed on the Steeple bell,
And then—" I'll tak' ye on mysel' !—
I'll skip a rink!"
Syne leaped my heart, I yelled oot " Fine !
This fechtin' wark is in your line!"
The deil glowered, " Ye're nae freen o' mine
At kirk or green."
'Twas Thomson, he o' heart sae leal,
Who bauldly faced his foe, the deil,
" I'll get a rink tae mak' yesqueal—
A rink sae keen."
An' in the twinklin' o' an eye
The stalwart form o' Marr I spy,
Followed by Martin—syneMackay.
Weel picked the three.
For oft I'd seen them on the green
Contendin' stern as sportsmen keen ;
But now they'd sterner work, I ween,
To bear the gree.
"An' wha's your rink!" "E.T." did speir,
As ither ghoulish forms drew near.
"Deil's like mysel'!" Nick answered drear.
"Ye ken my sons—
Macbeth and Nero, lang syne dead,
Fu' black an' grim the lives they led.
The Kaiser jinked me—sent in his stead
One o' the Huns !"
The game began, the bools flew fast,
An' ower the sward a gleam is cast
That ne'er on land or sea had passed
For mony a nicht;
Sin' Tam o' Shanter in the mirk
Saw phantoms revel in the kirk,
Syne chased him hame ower brae and birk—
An eerie sicht.
The deil's rink were a cunnin" crew
As to their maister's bid they drew,
An' frae the bools the fire sparks flew
When they were hit.
But Thomson's men strove micht an' main,
Tho' beaten yince they tried again,
An' " Clootie's " wiles were a' invain
'Gainst Thomson's grit.
A goblin crood had lined the banks,
Rattlin' their fetters, chains and branks
(I saw some boolers in their ranks—
Some artfu' loons!)
They cheered their maister lang an' lood
Till Thomson lay a bool sae good—
Fair on the jack—hefaced the crood
An' cracked his thooms.
The final end—thegame was square,
Marr to the jack, an' inch, nae mair,
Had drawn a bool wi' muckle care ;
Sae did Mackay.
" Come on the fore !—juist draw tae me! "
Thomson did cry wi' unfeigned glee.
"A bonny bool! Yerhand, ' W. P.'
That yinwill lie! "
The deil's lips wore an ugly grin
As doon the green his bool did spin.
It " wick'd " an' whummelled its wayin
Straight to the kitty.
He danced an' pranced wi' muckle glee.
" Theshot! " he cries; "beat that," says he.
" Deil's luck is mine!" Syne cried " E. T."—
"The mair's the pity ! "
Wi' lips stern set, the skip aimed true,
Straight for the jack his good bool flew;
Silent the goblin watchers grew;
Nae mair the boast.
Into the ditch went jack and bowl,
An' lay there safely cheek by jowl.
The deil let oot a waefu' howl—
" I've lost! I've lost!"
A thunder clap !—the air grew chill;
The storm had passed and all was still,
An' o'er the woods o' Rossie's hill
The moon arose.
The Steeple reared its spire on high,
I waked to see a starlit sky,
The deil had gone—without good-bye—
From Auld Montrose.
But on the green, as ye can see
The marks as plain as plain can be,
For Dakers pointed oot tae me
The very spot
Where Nickum's hinmost bool had lain,
Till wi' that drive o' micht and main
The meenister the point hae taen,
An' won the shot.
R. D. M.Mina from
New Zealand sent in...
No last night
but the night before
Three wee beggars came tae ma door
wan wi’ a trumpet
wan wi’ a drum
wan wi’ a pancake stuck tae his bum
and a few days later she also
sent in...
Mary hid an
iron coo
She milked it wae a spanner.
The milk came oot in shillin tins
And wee yins at a tanner.
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