Having chosen English as the
preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult;
for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a
phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course,
be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft
'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the
hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would
this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made
with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the
troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf'
twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful.
Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By
this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps
sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v',
vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from
words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After
tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand
ech ozer. Ze drems of the uvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
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