View our terms and conditions for use of our web site and our privacy policy. Visit Electric Scotland's Aois Community, our social networking site. Find our contact information and learn more about us. The Home Page of Electric Scotland ES Common Header Bar
This is where you'll find a comprehensive resource on Scottish accommodations. Electric Scotland's Article Service where you can both read articles and post your own. Beth's Newfangled Family Tree is a monthly publication giving genealogy advice as well as what's hapening on the Scottish Scene around the world. This is where you'll find around 300 books on Scottish history that we've published on the site. Our pages where you'll find books and articles about Robert Burns and his work. Gives you some information on the business scene in Scotland. This is where you can view Scottish events around the world and add your own. Learn about the history of Clans and Families of Scotland and the Scots-Irish. The personal site of Alastair McIntyre where he's posted his own mini biography as well as his travel journals. 5 volumes worth of biographies relating to Significant Scots. A weekly newsletter about the political scene in Scotland from the Scots Independent Newspaper. Lots of Scottish recipes along with contributions from our visitors. Play our collection of online games. 6 volume Gazetter on the place names of Scotland. This is our page for trying to give you advice on Genealogy. A FAQ where you go to get answers to frequently asked questions. Information and pictures about Historic places in Scotland such as castles and other properties. Main index page for our very large history section. Children resources including over 800 children's stories and lots of online and offline games. A bit of a catch-all page where you find loads of pages about music, haggis, scots language, culture, religion, humor and lots more. Our nature page where you can explore information on Scottish Wildlife, Plants, Flowers and lots more. Our weekly newsletters archive. Thousands of pictures of Scotland for you to enjoy. Loads of poetry and stories for you to enjoy with many contributions from visitors to our site. Our very own Webcard program which you can use to send online postcard to friends and relatives. Huge resources about the Scots Diaspora around the world and here is where you can find this information. A continually building information resource on the Scots-Irish who emigrated to Ulster and then onto many parts of the world, especially the USA. Create your own family tree with our special software. You can also import and export gedcom files. Our web-based scottish search engine which is a free resource for Scottish companies as well as Scottish organisations around the world. Current Scottish News headlines and links to Scottish news resources. A range of services, both big and small, that we currently offer. Our Tartan pages, giving you access to information on Tartans as well as tartan search engines. Sponsored by House of Tartan. Our travel section where we have loads of suggested tours of Scotland as well as old historic travel books. A wee collection of videos some of which we've produced ourselves. Learn about the last 100 pages we've added to our site which is updated daily.

Click here to get a Printer Friendly Page
 

Send Flowers

Man's Answers to Every Question a Woman ever asks
1.WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behaviour. We're just misunderstood.
2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorise it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
4.WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5.WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMUUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6.WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by sabre toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU' WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
12.WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
13.WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14.WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15.WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err... buying?

The muckle gamey laddie
Euan (from the Electric Scotland Webboard)

Return to our Humour Index Page