Being a monster
can at times be a bad thing. People run away when they see you, they
scream in your ears, faint, or come after you with a four-pronged hay
fork. But there's a good side to being a monster too. You see, when all
the people run away, we monsters go into their houses and take all their
food. Monsters never go hungry and we've become quite adept at carrying
several things at one time.
Let me introduce
myself to you. I'm Randolph. I'm about the size of a rose bush, though I
certainly don't smell like roses. Like most other monsters, I have brown
hair, two horns on my head and one sticking out of the top of my snout. My
tail is long and hairless, with just the right touch of hair at the end.
Some of the girl monsters like to tie ribbons on the end on their tails,
for color, but most of us wear our tails as they should be, bare.
Some of the other
monsters say things to me like, “Randolph, why don't you brush your teeth,
or Randolph you're too fat,” but I just ignore them. Monsters have thick
hides and not too many things hurt our feelings, though I would like to
share with you one particular day when I did feel rather unhappy.
It started like
every other day. I got up, scratched myself and headed for the kitchen.
It's not really a kitchen. You see, I live in a cave with a few other
monsters and we keep a fire burning 24/7 so we can eat a roasted boar
anytime we want. I choose to call this area the kitchen. Anyway, I headed
into the kitchen and all I could see were bones. Not one chicken leg,
peacock neck or armadillo tail was left. It was time to go out and scare a
few people and raid their houses.
Me and the guys,
all ten of us, decided to go to town. We spent an hour practicing our
scariest monster faces and then took the dirt trail through the forest,
down the hill, over the stream to town. We hid behind a few buildings,
carefully selecting which people we wanted to scare. Isaak followed one of
them home and then ran back to tell us their house was full of food. Off
we went, trailing behind Isaak. He was right. When I peeked through the
window, I saw the kitchen table covered with food. Actually I saw my
reflection in the window and took a few moments to admire myself, then I
saw the food. Jeremiah was selected to knock on the door. As soon as the
people opened it to answer, we would all spring out and roar. Surely
they'd all faint, or at least run out of the house into the forest.
knuckles rapped on the door. Slowly it creaked open and a man stood there.
We all jumped out from behind the bushes, roaring and slobbering. I must
say we put on quite a show. I had to control myself from laughing when the
man wet his pants and fell backwards into his house. Isaak knocked him out
of the way and we rushed inside. A woman and two children saw us and ran
upstairs, locking themselves in the bathroom. We felt it best not to
disturb them any further. Within five minutes we'd stripped the house of
all the food. What a sight we were. Jeremiah carried a whole roasted
turkey. Isaak grabbed a pizza and a block of cheddar cheese. Myself,
Randolph, carried a watermelon. Aristotle, of course, took the peanut
butter and jam. His twin, Ambrosia, took a jug of something with a cork in
the top. It must be pretty potent stuff because when he pulled the cork
out, his eyes crossed and he grinned from ear to ear. Bartholomew grabbed
a loaf of French bread. How lazy. I mean, he's one of the bigger monsters.
He could have picked up a bag of apples or at least, some potatoes, but
that's the way Bartholomew is. Harrison didn't just take the fruit. He
grabbed the whole bowl. The smarty pants carried it on his head. I was
quite impressed actually. Christopher grabbed an eggplant. He prefers to
call them aubergines, but I call them eggplant. Dominic, the show-off of
the group, picked up one measly pear, put it on top of his snout and
performed a balancing act as we made our way back to the cave. Always the
comedian. I helped Gregory put a pumpkin on his back and he carried it all
the way to the cave without even complaining. When we got back to the
cave, Harrison started a fire. We ran out of wood and I was selected to go
and find more. Oh sure, always let Randolph go and get the wood. By the
time I got back they'd eaten every single morsel of food. I stood there
with a bundle of wood in my arms, angrier than a hornet. They didn't even
leave me the watermelon rind or pumpkin seeds.
So, as you can
see, we monsters have our bad days, just like people do. Now, if you'll
excuse me, I'll be off. We're roasting Elephant a la Francois
tonight and I dibbed the trunk. Au revoir!