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Jim Campbell
The Yacht Club Annual Ball


IT WIS COMIN’ NEAR THE TIME FOR THE OBAN YACHT CLUB ANNUAL BALL. THAT YEAR MY FATHER WAS TO BE MADE AN HONOURARY MEMBER FOR HIS SERVICES OWER THE YEARS TAE THE CLUB. ON A SETERDAY EFTERNEEN HE WID TAK THE ALLIANCE OOT INTAE THE BAY AND SHE WID BE USED AS THE STARTER BOAT FOR A’ THE RACES.

JOHN MAXWELL A LOCAL ELECTRICIAN FA WIS PRESIDENT O’ THE CLUB HAD ASKED HIM TAE COME ALONG TAE THE BALL AS HIS PRESENTATION WIS TAE BE THE HIGHLIGHT O’ THE EVENING. TELL YER CREW TAE COME ALONG AS WEEL HE TELT MY FATHER, WHO ON HEARING THIS WIS NAE TOO KEEN ON THE IDEA BUT DIDNA LIKE TAE SAY ONYTHIN’.

THE BIG DAY ARRIVED AND THAT NICHT HE GOT A’ DRESSED UP AND WENT UP TAE THE COLUMBA HOTEL FAR THE DO WIS BEEIN’ HELD. HE HIDNA SAID ONYTHIN’ TAE THE CREW AS HE KENT FIT LIKE THEY WERE, THEY WID TURN IT INTAE A SHAMBLES.

THE PRESIDENT WINNERIN’ FAR THE CREW WERE DECIDED TAE GO DOON TAE THE BOAT AND INVITE THEM UP FOR A DRINK. LITTLE DID HE KNOW FIT HE WIS LETTIN’ HIMSELF IN FOR, BUT HE WIS SEEN TAE FIND OOT.

TOM HAD JIST COME OOT O’ THE ENGINE ROOM EFTER CHINGIN’ THE ILE IN THE ENGINE. ON HEARING THE REQUEST TAE GO UP TAE THE HOTEL HE DIDNA WASTE NAE TIME AND WENT THE WYE HE WIS, HAUNS COVERED IN ILE AND BLACK AS THE ROAD AS USUAL. APPEARANCE DIDNA METTER TAE TOM FIN THERE WIS FREE DRINK ON THE GO.

TOM MADE HIS ENTRANCE IN THE HOTEL DOOR AND THE LOOK O’ CONSTERNATION ON THE ASSEMBLED DIGNITARIES WIS A SICHT TAE BEHOLD AS HE SIDLED UP TAE THE BAR AND QUICKLY DOWNED A FEW PINTS AND A PUCKLE NIPPIES. TURNIN’ ROON TAE FACE THE CROWD ALL DRESSED UP FOR THE OCCASION, LADIES IN THEIR BALLGOWNS, GENTLEMEN IN THEIR EVENING SUITS AND BOW TIES, HE SPOTTED MY FATHER TALKIN’ TAE THE PRESIDENT AND HIS WIFE. TOM THOCHT TAE HIMSEL’ I’LL AWA OWER AND THANK HIM FOR THE INVITATION, SO HE STAGGERED OWER TAE JINE THE COMPANY. MRS.MAXWELL WIS LOOKING RESPLENDENT IN HER NEW BACKLESS GOON BOCHT FOR THE OCCASION. SHE WIS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF THE IMPENDING DISASTER THAT WIS ABOOT TAE BEFALL ON HER.

TOM APPROACHED HIS UNSUSPECTING VICTIM AND CLAPPED HER ON THE BACK WITH THE GREETIN’, “HOO YE DOOIN’ MRS MAXWELL?”. QUICKLY TURNIN’ ROON SHE TOOK ONE LOOK AT TOM, WHICH WIS MAIR THAN ENOUGH, (HE WIS NAE ILE PENTIN AT THE BEST O’ TIMES).HURRIEDLY MAKING HER EXCUSES TO MY FATHER THAT SHE WOULD HAVE TAE MINGLE WITH THE GATHERING HER BEIN’ THE PRESIDENTS WIFE SHE QUICKLY WALKED AWAY. FIN SHE TURNED HER BACK THERE WIS TOM’S GREAT BIG BLACK HANDPRINT ON HER BACK. SEEIN’ FIT HAD HAPPENED MY FATHER NEAR HID A FIT, ROOSHELIN TOM OOT THE DOOR AND BACK TAE THE BOAT. ”I KENT SOMETHIN’ WIS BOUND TAE HAPPEN”. HIS EARLIER FEARS HAD BEEN REALISED, “I CANNA TAK YE NAE WYE” HE SAID TAE A MUCH AMUSED BUT NON APOLOGETIC ENGINEER.


 


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