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Jim Campbell
Gunpooder, Treason or Bad Coal - "A Break inta an Explosives Sore"


AS USUAL WI’ A’ LOONS THEY A’ GIT UP TAE SOME KINNA DIVILMENT, THIS TRUE STORY IS NAE DIFFIRENT BUT THE CONSEQUENCES IF THEY HAD SUCCEDED DISNA BEAR THINKIN’ ABOOT. IT STARTED OFF FIN SOME LOONS BROKE INTAE A STORE AT THE QUARRY AT THE BACK O’ THE SCHOOL, FAR DEAN TERRACE IS BUILT ON NOO. THEY MANAGED TAE BREK THE LOCKS AND FIN THEY GOT INSIDE THEY DISCOVERED IT WIS FULL OF DYNAMITE , GELIGNITE AND GUNPOODER. ALSO AVAILABLE WERE A LARGE QUANTITY O’ DETONATORS. THEY HAD ALL BEEN USED FOR BLASTIN’ IN THE QUARRY, BUT IT HAD BEEN CLOSED DOON FOR MONY YEARS AND OBVIOUSLY A’ THIS BLASTIN’ GEAR HAD BEEN FORGOTTEN ABOOT. A DISCUSSION SEEN GOT UP ABOOT FIT THEY WID DEE WITH IT A’ . IT DIDNA TAK LONG AFORE THEY AGREED THAT THE BEST THING THEY QUID DEE WIS BLOW UP THE SCHOOL! FIT HEAVEN THEY THOCHT NAE MAIR SCHOOL, THE SCHOOLBOYS ULTIMATE DREAM! THEY A’ AGREED THAT IT WID TAK SOME PLANNIN’ AND WID NEED TAE BE DEEN FIN ABODY WIS OOT O’ THE ROAD SO THEY WIDNA BE DISTURBED IN THEIR PURSUIT FOR THE ULTIMATE FREEDOM. IN THE MEANTIME THEY WID KEEP QUIET ABOOT IT , SO THEY SHUT THE DOOR AS BEST THEY QUID AND MADE THEIR WYE HAME. BEIN’ LOONS SOME O’ THEM QUIDNA RESIST THE TEMPTATION AND HELPED THEMSELVES TAE SOME DETONATORS.

SKIRLIE WIS SITTIN AT THE FIRESIDE O’ PAULA’S NEW COONCIL, HOOSE THEY HAD JIST MOVED IN THE WEEK AFORE AND HE HAD GONE UP TAE SEE FIT LIKE IT WAS. A ROARIN FIRE WIS GAUN IN THE FIREPLACE AND HE WIS QUITE CONTENT SITTIN’ AND SMOKIN’ HIS PIPE O’ BOGEY ROLL.HIS TWA FEET WIDNA HAVE TOUCHED THE GRUN NOOADAYS WI A’ THIS ANTI SMOKIN’ IN PUBLIC PLACES AND HOOSES. ONYWYE THE DOOR OPENED AND IN CAM HIS GRANDSON IAN OR BETTER KENT TAE HIS PALS AS KINKO, AYE, AYE GRANDA HOO YE DOOIN’, FINE HE REPLIED GIEN ANITHER SOOK AT HIS PIPE AND REMARKIN’ HOO GRAN’ A FIREPLACE IT WIS A’ THE BONNIE TILES ROON ABOOT IT. HE DIDNA SEE KINKO PITTIN’ HIS HAUN INTAE HIS POOCHES AND TAKIN’ A DETONATOR OOT HE THREW IT INTAE THE FIRE AND TOOK TAE HIS HEELS. IT DIDNA TAK LONG AFORE THERE WIS AN ALMICHTY BANG AND THE NEW GRATE LANDED IN THE MIDDLE O’ THE FLOOR IN BITS. SKIRLIE’S PIPE DROPPIT OOT O’ HIS MOO IN ASTONISHMENT AND HE QUID HARDLY SPEAK FIN CONNIE, PAULA’S WIFE CAM RUNNIN’ IN FAE THE KITCHEN FIT HAVE YE DEEN SHE CRIED OOT FIN SHE SAW THE MESS AND THE GRATE LYIN ON THE FLOOR I HIVNA DEEN NITHIN’ AND HE EXPLAINED TAE HER ABOOT THE BANG, ON HEARIN’ THIS SHE QUICKLY CAM TAE THE CONCLUSION THAT IT WIS THE COALMANS FAULT FOR GEEIN’ HER A BAD LOAD O’ COAL. MEANTIME KINKO KEPT WEEL OOT O’ THE WYE INCASE O’ ONY REPERCUSSIONS IF THE TRUTH CAM OOT.

NEXT DAY THE LOONS A’ GOT THE GITHER, HAULIN’ OOT THE DYNAMITE AND GUNPOODER THEY MADE THEIR WYE UP TAE THE SCHOOL AND PROCEEDED TAE FILL A’ THE VENTILATORS AND ONY NOOKS AND CRANNIES THEY QUID FIND. AN EXTRA SPECIAL LOAD WIS PUT INTAE BROONS THE SCIENCE TEACHERS CLASS BECAUSE NABODY LIKIT HIM. THEY HIDNA ONY IDEA HOO TAE SET IT OFF APERT FAE FIT THEY HAD SEEN IN COMICS AND PICTURES O’ GUY FAWKES AND HIS CRONIES TRYIN’ TAE BLOW UP THE HOOSES O’ PARLIAMENT. EFTER FILLIN THE VENTS THEY LAID OOT TRAILS O’ GUNPOODER LEADIN’ UP TAE THE DYNAMITE AND FIN THEY WERE READY THEY TRIED TAE LICHT IT WI’ MATCHES, BUT EFTER LYIN’ SO LONG IT WIS DAMP AND WIDNA LICHT, WHICH WIS A GOOD JOB FOR THEM AND HALF O’ THE TOON AS WEEL AS THEY HAD USED THAT MUCH IT WID HAVE BLOWN UP THEM AND ATHING ROON ABOOT AS WEEL.HOO IT WIS FOUND OOT ABOOT I DINNA KEN BUT THERE IS NAE DOOT ABOOT IT THEY WID HAVE BEEN IVERY SCHOOLBOYS HERO IF THEY HAD SUCCEEDED.


 


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