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Poems by Billy Henderson
Lateral Thinkin’ Blues


1. Well ah didnae wake up this mornin’, ‘cause somebody laced ma gin.
       “      “     “         “      “    “       “               “          “             “      “    “.
    When ah finally rose ah went down on my nose, ‘cause they also laced ma shin.

2. So ah went down for some beechems, and I thought I’d crack me a can.
    I got back upstairs I was gobsmacked,-- see ah stei in a caravan.

3. So I took out my Yamaha, -- and sat me down to write a song.
    But I couldn’t put pen to paper, -- ‘cause my petrol tank was gone.

4. So I got out my dohbro, put some riffs down on that tape-deck on the shelf.
    Then I played it back and I joined in, -- ‘cause I like playin’ with myself.

5. Well my Maisie she done left me, cause I’m just too fond of that weed.
    Ah but life’s for livin’ baby, --- cause you’re a lang time deid.

6. I went down to ‘Sooky’ Tawdry’s, -- she lives up to her name boy you can bet.
    Oh Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy give me chastity, but not --- quite --- yet.

7. Well Maisie’s ol’ man he came after me, with his ’45 and his eyes so full of hate.
    But he didn’t stand a chance against, ------- my big -78.

8. But ol’ Bill he done catch me, and I’m lyin’ in this prison-cell for my sin.
    I’d have made my escape easy but, --- I still hudnae unlaced my shin.

9. Oh it’s a thousand miles to breakfast, but it’s even further to Nepal.
    Well you’d better take your mac Jack cause a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

(Moral.)

10. So you can’t keep a horse in a lighthouse, or off a bus your granny kick.
     Cause the Leith police dismisseth us, --- and the sixth sheikh’s sixth sheep’s sick.

11. Don’t live your life in no fast lane, --- and stay clear of that smack and booze;
      Or you’ll wind up singin’ those lateral thinkin’ – eat your greens blue
byyou. 

(Just make up your own 12 – bar – blues tune.)

© Idlefrets Music. 10/10/1999.


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