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Poems from Francis Kerr Young
Limericks


Themes for any literary work can come from anywhere. For instance, two years ago the laker Windoc suffered extensive damage to her superstructure when a lift bridge dropped on her as she was passing through a section of the St. Lawrence Seaway system. She was taken to the north east end of Hamilton, Ontario, for repairs. The following winter a strong gale tore the unmanned vessel from her moorings.

It should be mentioned that this area of Hamilton is politically represented by Dominic Agostino, Member of Provincial Parliament, and Sam Merula, a city councillor. Both gentlemen are strong advocates of the squeaky-wheel-gets-the-grease philosophy.

Such material inspired the following limerick:

Last Winter news folk blamed bad weather
for Windoc unleashing her tether.
Though the North End had dinned,
it was not Nature’s wind,
but just Dom and Sam having a blether!

A few years ago, after a flurry of exposed protests, a judge in Ontario ruled that it was ok for women to go topless in public. Thus:

Bared breasts can stop traffic it's true,
so graphic men's eyes stick like glue,
to be fined for lawbreaking,
is a shame just for taking
undue care and attention to view!

Limericks for limmers:

Ootside ma wee windy it’s snawin’
there’s ower six feet oan ma lawn.
Because shovellin’s a pain,
Ah’ll be takin’ a plane,
an’ it’s aff tae Las Palmas Ah’m gaun!

*

Whenever my girl quaffs vermouth,
her manner becomes so uncouth.
Though her voice seems quite crisp,
it develops a lisp
when Elithabeth’s lipth go tho looth!

*

Imagine that place up on high
where cherubs have feathers to fly,
although Heaven seems boring,
down below fires are roaring,
where Auld Nick has fresh check-ins to fry!

*

Yin haulf o’ the world is oan drugs,
addictions furnished by thugs.
A’ Ah crave is a joke
in a pub, clear o’ smoke,
guzzlin’ beers frae barmaids wi’ big jugs!

*

There wis a Young lass frae Carluke
wha mairrit a guy frae Craigneuk.
Forty years has since passed,
bit he’s still quite aghast
that she aye can read him like a book!

*

There wis an auld fart frae Vancouver
wha rigged his sailboat tae manoeuvre
like a motorised ship.
Gaun astern wis a snip
jist as long as he sooked like a Hoover!

-Francis Kerr Young


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