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The Ellen Payne Odom Genealogy Library Family Tree
The Indispensable Ceilidh Book!
Bagpipe Jokes

Why do Scotsman/Bagpipers always march while playing?
To get away from the sound!

Celts are unique in that they can take the two instruments that annoy the most people in the world and place them in the 'same band'
Drums and bagpipes!

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
You can tune a lawn mower.

If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an in-tune bagpiper, and out-of-tune bagpiper, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
Add vibrato.

What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.

What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

What's the definition of "optimism"?
A bagpiper with a beeper.

Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too late--someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car.

Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer?
Drummer moved a drone pipe and wouldn't tell which one.

If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to would be a good idea.

If you drop a bagpipe and a water melon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first?
Who cares?

Tom: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the bagpipe band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

Why do bagpipers always walk when the play?
Moving targets are harder to hit.

What does a bagpiper where under his kilt?
Shoes and socks.

Why do they call it a "kilt"?
Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.

What's one thing you never hear people say?
Oh, that's the bagpiper's Porsche.

What's the difference between a bagpiper and a frog?
The frog might be getting a gig (Southern Humor).

Why are a piper's fingers like lightening?
They rarely hit the same spot twice.

How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
Someone is blowing into it.

What's the range of a bagpipe?
Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

What do you call ten bagpipers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

The Indispensable Ceilidh Book!


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