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Electric Scotland's Webboard Banter Conference
Lessons my Mother taught me

Doreen Robinson posted this message...


My mother taught me there's a time and place for everything: "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house."

My mother taught me religion: "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me foresight: "Make sure you wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."

My mother taught me control: "Keep laughing, and I will give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis: "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about being a contortionist: "Look at the back of your neck. It's filthy."

My mother taught me about stamina: "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about weather: "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."

My mother taught me about straight talk: "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."

My mother taught me self-control: "Don't go near the cake. I made it for my bridge club."

My mother taught me about behaviour modification: "Please stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me it is more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

My mother taught me the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

My mother taught me a closed mouth gathers no foot.

My mother taught me that some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.

My mother taught me never to test the depth of the water with both feet.

My mother taught me if you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom.




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