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Weel a' niwer

One bright sunny day, an Aberdonian was riding his horse into town with his dog and his sheep along beside them. They came across a stranger who was travelling in the opposite direction, and began the following conversation:

Stranger: "Hey, that's a cool dog you've got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Aberdonian: "The Dog disnae talk."
Stranger: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Aberdonian: Look of shock.
Stranger: "Is this man your owner?" (pointing at Aberdonian)
Dog:: "Yep"
Stranger: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the loch once a week to play."
Aberdonian: Look of total disbelief.
Stranger: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Aberdonian: "My Horse disnae talk."
Stranger: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Aberdonian: Extreme look of shock.
Stranger: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Aberdonian)
Horse: "Yep"
Stranger: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Aberdonian: Total look of utter amazement.
Stranger: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?
Aberdonian: "The sheep's a bloody liar."

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