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Mo Hawg - Week 10


Day 1.

Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.
   Oink!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
  Thanks, Steve!
   In democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

      Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.”

Day 2.

      Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 
   “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
   “Because,” said the manager, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
   (Remember, only smart people – and pigs – love puns!)

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
  Thanks, Steve!
   A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

      Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.”

Day 3.

   Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”  The other twin goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”
   Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
   Her husband says, “They’re twins.  If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
  Thanks, Steve!
   If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

    Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “I don’t know how I got over the hill without ever getting to the top!”

Day 4.

    Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. 
   Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the friars, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
    He went back and begged the friars to close their florist shop.  They ignored him.
   The rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close.  Hugh trashed their store and said he would be back if they didn’t close up shop. 
   Terrified, they did so, thereby proving (Here it comes…) that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
  Thanks, Steve!
   With her new marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Day 5.

     Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
    There was once a very famous mystic who walked barefoot most of the time, which produced in impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail.  With his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him…what?  A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
  Thanks, Steve!
   Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

      Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.”


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