| Day 1.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule
for Today: The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo
Pi
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Be more or less specific.
Mo’s Household Hint: Put Cool Whip on your hair for fifteen minutes and it
will bring back the shine and condition your hair!
Mo’s Expert Analysis for Today: An RKO movie executive, reacting to Fred
Astair’s screen test once said, “Can’t act. Slightly bald. Also dances.”
Mo’s Wisdom: Marriage is the only union that cannot be organized. Both
sides think they are management.
Day
2.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: The time between slipping on a peel
and smacking your head on the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
Mo’s Household Hint: If you know of someone with lice…tell them to put
mayonnaise on their hair. Mayonnaise really will kill the tiny
critters…and condition the hair at the same time.
Mo’s
Wisdom: You do not want the one you can afford.
More Mo’s Wisdom: The farther a theater seat is from the aisle, the later
the patron arrives!
Day
3.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie
drinks because it’s less filling = 1 lite year
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Mo’s Household Hint: Used brewed Lipton Tea to make your hair shiny!
Mo’s Wisdom: The more the name of a product promises, the less it
delivers.
More Mo’s Wisdom: If you don’t want your children to hear what you are
saying, pretend you’re talking to them!
If
the world is to be brought to order, my nation must first be changed. If
my nation is to be changed, my hometown must be made over. If my hometown
is to be reordered, my family must first be set right. If my family is to
be regenerated, I myself must first be.
Day
4.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone – 1
Rod Serling
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) No sentence fragments.
Mo’s Household Hint: If you are sunburned, empty a large jar of Nestea
into your bathwater!
Mo’s Wisdom: The great comfort of turning 49 years of age is the
realization that you are now too old to die young.
This
is too funny not to be true. It was told to Mo by one of our Colquitt
County Sheriff’s deputies.
Out
on the bypass, the driver of a truck filled with onions was stopped for
speeding. He told our deputy that he had to drive fast to keep ahead of
the small. Otherwise, he said, his eyes would fill with tears, and then
he wouldn’t be able to see to drive!
Day
5.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 1000 aches & pains = 1 megahurtz
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
Mo’s Household Hint: Use Preparation H for a chigger bite or for puffy
eyes.
Mo’s Wisdom: The surest sign that you have a crisis at work is when no one
tries to tell you how to do your job.
Out at Riverside, Mr. ____the executive in charge of hiring and firing,
visits the warehouse and is shocked to see a man just leaning against the
doorway, drinking coffee. “How much do you make?” he demands.
“$150 a day,” replies the man.
The
executive hands the man $150 and says, “Get out, and don’t come back.”
Two
minutes later, the warehouse manager comes in and asks, “Where’s the
delivery man who was just here?” |
