| Day 1.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical
Rule for Today: The shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
Mo’s
How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes, folks!)
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Mo’s
Household Hint: Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint!
Mo’s Wisdom: The smallest hole will eventually empty the largest
container, unless it is made intentionally for drainage, in which case it
will clog.
We’ve been adding some staff at The Observer in Moultrie. One of the
employment forms had this statement – written exactly like this: “If there
is a single word to describe me, that word would have to be ‘profectionist.’”
Day
2.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s
highly superfluous.
Mrs. Bubba was serving dinner to our Bubba. “It’s a hamburger surprise.
You had it yesterday and the day before…and you certainly didn’t expect to
get it tonight!”
Mo’s Household Hint: Put Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt and let the kids
use it as finger paint.
Mo’s Wisdom: In every restaurant the hardness of the butter pats increases
in direct proportion to the softness of the bread being served.
Day
3.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig
Newton
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) One should NEVER generalize.
Mo’s Household Hint: If your bicycle chain sticks…spray with Pam no-stick
cooking spray! Pam will also remove paint and grease from your hands.
Mo’s Household Hint: If you have an old Slinky around the house use it to
hold toast or CDs!
Mo’s Wisdom: If you have no trouble finding a place to park, you won’t be
able to find your car.
Day
4.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 1000 grams of wet socks = 1
literhosen
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
Mo’s Household Hint: To keep flowers fresh, use 7-Up instead of water in
the vase!
Mo’s Wisdom: If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
More Mo’s Wisdom: Every new project goes through three phases: It will not
work. It will cost too much. I thought it was a good idea all along.
Here’s an idea that will show everyone how technologically advanced you
are. You can have an answering machine attached to your cell phone that
says you’re not in because you’re home!
Day
5.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Mo’s Household Hint: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a
helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it SPF
factor of 15 and leave it alone.
Mo’s Wisdom: The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
Overheard on a bus in New York after a concert at the Met: “Isaac Stern
and Vladimir Feltsman played together…it was wonderful.”
“What did they play?”
There was a long pause. Then the concert-goer replied, “I’m trying to
remember. It sounded like the name of a famous singer.”
Across the aisle, someone chimed in, “It was Franck’s Sonata in A-Major!” |
