| Day 1.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical
Rule for Today: Eight nickels = 2 paradimes
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Mo’s Household Hint: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the
glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If anyone
points out the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and
exclaim, “What? And spoil the mood?” You may also throw glitter on them
and call them holiday decorations.
Mo’s Wisdom: Gratitude is a sometime thing in this world. Just because
you’re been feeding them all winter, don’t expect the birds to take it
easy on your grass seed.
Day
2.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 2.4 statute miles of intravenous
surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
Mo’s Household Hint: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
doorways is that you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn
play animals for underprivileged children.
Mo’s Wisdom: The difference between a hero and a coward is one step
sideways.
More Mo’s Wisdom: The smaller the understanding of the situation, the more
pretentious the form of expression.
Day
3.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: 2 wharves = 1 paradox
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) the passive voice is to be ignored.
Mo’s Household Hint: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner
with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave
dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look throw
yourself on the couch and sigh, “I clean and I clean and I still don’t’
get anywhere!”
Mo’s been lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt
County! Here are things actually overheard:
Question: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Day
4.
Mo’s Odd Mathematical Rule for Today: The speed of a tortoise breaking the
sound barrier = Mach Turtle
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words,
however, should be enclosed in commas.
In
my travels, I have collected some of the things that airline attendants
say to make the flight a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples I’ve heard: “As the plane was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan
airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
Mo’s Wisdom: A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared
with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.
Day
5.
Mo’s been lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt
County! Here are things actually overheard:
Question: “What is your date of birth?
Answer: July 20th.
Question: What year?
Answer: Every year.
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
In
my travels, I have collected some of the things that airline attendants
say to make the in-flight safety lecture a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples I’ve heard: Weather at our destination is 50
degrees, with some broken clouds. We’ll try to have them fixed before we
arrive. |
