My Native American Culture
always works against me as to any communication with the dominate race in
too many ways to list. I see my little Ponca mother who has never learned
to deal with racism and has become defeated in her efforts to fit into the
scheme of things.She has totally withdrawn into her tribe, even to the
point of shutting out her fair skinned grandchildren. I had taken a
different attitude as to simply dismissing the total issue as impossible
to overcome, thereby, living my life with a feeling of being separate. A
halfbreed neither a part of one or the other.
During these short ten
classes it has been my privilege to listen to the heart touching stories
written by people who seem to have stood before the fire of life's
torturous events. Somehow, seeing these continue to work picks me up at a
time when my own struggles are heavy upon me.
The burdens for people
because of the changes and obviously unworkable result of these forces on
our society are made obvious and are equally heavy on all. However, a
small remnant of folks deem it possible to rise up to the issues by
recording what they know and have seen. This has given me a greater belief
in what I am doing and, consequently, a better feeling about myself.
Race and other dividing
issues fall away from me and I have a deeper respect and confidence in
people once more. Of course, the total personality of mine will not be
changed, I'm sure. This is too greatly imbedded into my conscience. But,
at least, I will be able to have a different outlook as to my being so
alone in my feelings. Will this continue and once again give me a restored
faith in sacred or other parts of my life. This remains to be seen.