Lyrics composed by John Henderson on the 7th of March, 2012,
to Harry Jentes' 1917 song, 'I Don't Want To Get Well'

Och I wiss Cousin Jean, ye wid play me yon teen
Thit we baith ken's a tae-tappin een;
Yer skeel'd iv'ries' tinklins steer ma hert,
An mak me wint tae dince aroon jist like ma Uncle Bert!
Ye maun mynd hoo his feet, wid aye bide wi' the beat,
An ilka pairtner thocht his ilka meeve sae nait
They wid fusper, "Bert's a rale magician,
Fur baith his pins, they snoove wi sich preceeshun."
Sit ye doon Cousin Jean;
Pleese pleese play me yon teen,
As ye lane can sae weel syncopate.

Losh John ye bein sae keen, I wull play ye yon teen
Thit we baith ken's a tae-tappin een;
A' yer admeeraishun maks me gled,
An sae I'll try tae tap the keys jist like ma Uncle Fred!
Ye maun mynd like a breeze, his hans kittled the keys,
An owdiences gied his playin routh o' reese;
They'd aft caa oot, "Fred wi' soople fingers,
Ye're shair the man fa maks us dince-ha sweengers."
Uncle Fred! Uncle Bert!
Gif ye're baith list'nin yit,
Ye'll hear a teen up abeen thit micht pleese!