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Annonymous In Stoney
By Jean Kemlo

Another book on sale this one's titled 'Annonymous In Stoney' all proceeds to charity. 

Stan Bruce and Jean Kemlo

My parents met an elderly woman 'Jean Kemlo' while on holiday and mentioned my poetry, she is 82, nearly 83 now.

My mother sent her down a copy of my book  'Bard o' Buchan Vol 1' which she enjoyed very much. She took the book along to the group at the local old folks home and started reading / reciting some of my poems, she said that usually the old folk in the group don't have much to say and the group meetings are usually a bit boring, but not this time as she recited from the book the folk came to life as each place in Buchan was mentioned they recalled their experiences and memories of the past and the whole place was buzzing for a change, she'd never seen anything like it!

Jean had written three poems and she then sent them to me to use (Wanting to be kept annonymous hence the title).

With no idea what to do with these I went through my photo collection and dug out all my photograph's of Stonehaven (Stoney as known by the locals) and put them alongside her three poems, I wrote some of my own to go with hers and researched some interesting history on Stonehaven which I then inserted.

So I then had around fifteen pages, this I then sent back to her in the post with another three pages added but left blank with the text 'Jean to add a poem here'.  A couple of weeks later the booklet returned with the three new poems, I inserted these and thought it's still a bittie slim so I did some more digging and researching and added some more pages.  I added Jean's name to the front as the author and mine as the editor and photographer. 

With 26 pages I then got fifty colour copies printed and took then down to Jean, she phoned the next day to say they were all sold, so I went down with another fifty, same thing a call the next day they're all gone.

Now Jean's been asked to recite two poems every month for the talking newspaper so I'm delighted for her and we're now going to print another two hundred copies (Paper supplied free by DNV in Aberdeen). Money raised is going to Dunnottar Church, the local Alzheimer's group and the unit Ardoe in Stonehaven hospital where the patients need 24 hour one to one care.

Quote from Jean "Stanley you've opened up a whole new scene for me, wishing you all the best, and thanking you for giving me so much of your time and inspiration, yours Jean".

Stan Bruce
26th January 2007.

Junk Mail

I’m gonna sack the postie, cos I’m fed up wi’ him,
He only brings me junk mail, that ends up in the bin,
I dinna want life insurance, that I can never use,
Foo should I leave my money, tae pay for ither people’s booze.

I dinna need a funeral, I think I’m still alive,
And I dinna need double glazing, tae help me tae survive,
The winkle cream, sent to me, was said tae be a perk,
I’ve thrown it in the dustbin, because it disnae work,
I dinna need breast enhancement, I’d rather sag along,
And the tape I got o’ Crosby, is nae my favourite song.

Keep fit might be really fun, but I couldnae stand the strain,
And the cheap holiday tae Torremolinos is nae use, as I canna flee on a plane,
Thank you for the invite tae test the latest car,
But, I hinna got a licence, so I couldnae tak it far.

But junk mail keeps me smiling, fin it lands upon the mat,
So keep the rubbish coming, I winna sack Postman Pat.

Jean Kemlo,

Looking for Some T.L.C.

My daughter gave a gift tae me,
A plant as bonnie as could be,
It floored in its plastic pot,
Thinks I, that’s a beauty I hiv got.

Noo mam, she says just keep it wet,
Feed it well an’ dinna forget,
Tae keep it growing strong and free,
Gi’e it plenty o’ T.L.C.

I listened tae her guid advice,
An’ thocht it wid be rather nice,
If I could shop aroon an’ see,
If I could find some T.L.C.

I went tae every shop in toon,
Searched the shelves up an’ doon,
There wis a lot o’ garden aids,
Waterin’ cans, rakes and spades.

There were stacks and stacks o’ D.D.T., wi’ 30% extra free,
But nae wye could I see at a’, a single tin o’ T.L.C.
Mi bonnie plant began tae wilt,
An’ I became consumed wi’ guilt.

It hung its lugs in the plastic pot,
An’ lost the battle it had fought,
An’ a’ because it trusted me,
Tae gi’e it lots of T.L.C.

Jean Kemlo,

In Our Young Days

We were born before television, penicillin, polo shots,
Frozen goods, plastic, video, contact lenses, ball point pens,
Dishwashers, tumble driers, electric blankets and drip-dry clothes,
We got married first, and lived the gither efter (how quaint can you get),
A Big Mac wis an outsized raincoat,
And a bit o’ crumpet was fit ye hid for your tea.

We existed afore house husbands, computer dating, dual-careers,
Sheltered accommodation wis far ye waited for a bus,
We were born afore day centres, group homes and disposable nappies,
FM radio, word processors, yoghurt, young and auld men wearing earrings.

For us, sharin’ meant togetherness, a chip was a bit o’ wid (wood) or a fried tattie,
Hardware meant nuts and bolts and software wasnae a word,
A shid wis fit ye fastened yer collar wi’,
And going all the way meant riding on the bus tae the terminus,
Pizza’s, McDonald’s and instant coffee were unheard of.

Grass was mown, and coke wis kept in the coal shed,
A joint wis a bit o’ meat ye hid on Sunday’s, and a pot wis fit ye cooked in,
A gay person, was the life and soul o’ a party,
AIDS meant a beauty treatment or helping somebody in trouble.

We must hae bin a hardy bunch,
When you think on how the World has changed,
Nae wonder we’re confused, and there is a generation gap,
But by the grace of God we hiv survived, tae tell the tale.

Jean Kemlo,

Anonymous in Stoney (pdf)

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